TRUE TRAVEL

by Tirekicking Today

For some business travelers, in particular, a high-end hotel beckons irresistibly, not unlike a tantalizing siren striving to guide a wayward sailor into temptation. Why stay at a Comfort Inn or Days Inn if your company will spring for a four- or five-star hostelry?

Leisure and casual tourists are far less likely to shell out high three-digit day rates, as least not willingly. But they often wind up at the higher-end as part of air/hotel packages - especially in resort areas.

While plenty of travelers adore their fancy surroundings and often-personalized service, the more cynical among us notice that top-rung hotels aren't quite what they appear to be at first glance. To some of us, in fact, they're more annoying than alluring.

All too often, for one thing, high-end hotels have little sense of place. They could be anywhere, which is an irritant for some, but a bonus to others. Top resorts, in particular, are typically located far outside the nearest city, with the only views being those of the resort's grounds. In a scenic area, that can be delightful. Still, there's seldom a true sense of being in a particular locale.

High cost always tends to equal fashionable, or at least trendy. If you're a fashionable person who likes to keep up with the latest trends, that may be a good thing. For many of the rest of us, overly artistic and trendy decor add little to the hotel experience.

Fawning and foolishness

Far more tangible than locale and fashion is the fact that the type of service and amenities typical of high-end hotels aren't necessarily the ones that do practical-minded travelers much good. So much of what passes for top-level service may better be described as phoniness and insincerity. In all too many top hotels, style takes precedence over substance, and beauty (real or imagined) trumps utility. Amenities often are designed to impress, not to provide real value and pragmatic assistance.

It starts with the staff. While some hotels are toning down the costume-party image a bit, we still see greeters and bellmen in garb that would make the most flamboyant extrovert embarrassed. Clerks and concierges, though uniformed, are at least more likely to dress in a businesslike manner. We've all seen check-in clerks, bell persons, and maids who say "good morning" as if they're instructed to do so, under penalty of termination.

Certainly, there are exceptions. Some desk clerks, bellmen, concierges, and room attendants in top-end hotels are naturally friendly and helpful, giving no evidence that they'd rather be somewhere else. Underneath, though, some of us inevitably wonder how much of the excessive attention is real and how much has been ordered from upstairs, if not from the main office far away.

Real needs and wants

What business travelers, in particular, need isn't always available in the priciest top-end hotels. Power outlets that are easily reachable, for instance. TV remote controls that are understandable. Alarm clocks that can be operated without consulting an owner's manual.

Bathrooms and showers with non-slippery floors would be welcome. Towel racks and tissue holders that aren't hidden away, but can be found without searching. Towel racks close to showers would be nice, so you don't have to plod across the floor with wet feet to reach one. Sufficient hangers should be in the closet, in styles that are useful. Irons and ironing boards, for those of us with sufficient skills - and inclination - to use them, let us get the job done without waiting, and without paying a fortune to get a pair of pants pressed by the hotel's laundry/cleaning service.

How about windows that cannot be opened, in case the air conditioning turns troublesome. A temperature control that's easily decipherable, and functions in a logical manner, doesn't seem to be asking for too much. The shower in a four-star hotel might be dangerously slippery or forbiddingly difficult to enter, even if it's a stylishly impressive example of the plumbing art.

The chance of getting some, if not all, of these valued amenities in a moderate-price hotel is quite good. Even a low-budget hostelry - Days Inn or Best Western, or a local independent establishment - is likely to have several, or more. At the top end? Don't bet on finding many of the items on this list, or any other rundown of useful features that you might come up with yourself. (We all have our unique catalogues of unhelpful and annoying hotel-room features.) High-end hotels are typically overloaded with electronic gadgetry, with artistic and pseudo-artistic decorations, with cleverly created and imaginatively acquired doodads.

Misdeeds

Some of the worst annoyances at high-end hotels aren't due to their stylish decor or lack of sensibly useful room features. Now and then, the trouble spot is a person, not a thing.

Room attendants are the most noticeable culprit, but it's obvious that they're just following orders, adhering to standards that have been dictated from above. What's the point, for instance, of someone moving your slippers or toiletries from the location you established, on the floor or adjacent to the bathroom sink, to a spot of the maid's choosing - or more accurately, following the standards established by this particular hotel. The implicit message is actually quite clear: you don't even know how to arrange your personal items in a suitable manner, so how can you dare to take up space in this premium establishment?

Worse yet is throwing away items, declared them trash, that you wished to keep - and had placed atop a desk or cabinet to make your preferences perfectly clear. Discarding what's in the trash can is one thing. Sending other stuff to the trash is a travesty.

Not just once, but twice, a maid in the Four Seasons Hotel in Austin, Texas took the box in which I stored my folded shirts and sent it to the trash. Why? Evidently because it was ratty-looking, bent, even tattered - not in keeping with the Four Seasons image. But it was the perfect size for holding those shirts - a size that could not easily be found. When I complained to the front deck, I was told that they would make me a new box. "I don't want a new box," I fumed. "I want my old box."

Add-on fees: How do they have the nerve?

Regular travelers have complained for years about the hefty fees charged at the "best" hotels for such services as Internet access - which is likely to be free at the one- or two-star establishment down the street. Phone charges are not as much of an issue anymore, but not because of any hotel's epiphany. It's simply that so many people use cell phones, and most of the rest have phone cards, to bypass the hotel system at least in part. Even there, you can often expect to pay a dollar or two as an "access charge."

Room service? Anyone who's added up the charges for a bowl of soup and a little pot of coffee in many a high-end hotel has probably had a sudden feeling of breathlessness, even if someone else was paying the tab. Naturally, it's reasonable to pay more for food delivered to your room than you would in the restaurant downstairs. If you're shelling out those bucks yourself, you probably limit room service to last-resort status. In this installment, we won't even bother to get into those hideous minibar charges.

Note: Additional details about High-end Hotels will be posted soon.